Recipe for disaster:
Ingredients – you will need
Instructions
Place individuals in a small house and gently stir and agitate to raise emotional tensions and strain for several days. Slowly add a little resentment, and misunderstanding.
Set various members of the families tasks that they never do so will get wrong. Make one member solely responsible for keeping the peace.
Expect or try to make it the “perfect Christmas” to really increase the tension.
Keep the family unit contained until breaking point when someone says something they shouldn’t and a full blown row and walk out ensues.
Serve hot with anger, frustration and a dash of disappointment.
- Ok – so that’s how NOT to do it this Christmas. Here are some tips on how to ensure your family Christmas is the happy time you all want it to be.
- Lay down the ground rules for the house and Christmas period. Who’s going to be in charge of what. Let each family member choose something to be solely responsible for. Mum (or Dad) might do the cooking, Dad can do the shopping, and the kids can decorate the tree and clear up after the meal. Gran can lay the table or wrap presents. Make sure everyone has a little task to do. That way everyone can be involved and it will make it more fun.
- Recognise that all behaviour has a positive intention. So whatever someone is doing or saying, they have an underlying intention that is positive. The annoying thing that person is doing – they’re not actually doing it to annoy you. They are just doing it, and it happens to annoy you. They might be unaware that it annoys you, or might even be trying to please you!
Take ownership of your own emotions. No one can make you feel anything. All too often in our family relationships we swap the responsibility of our emotions round. We feel it’s up to us to make them feel good and up to them to make us feel good. But it’s so much more empowering and freeing if you take responsibility for your own emotions, and give them back responsibility for theirs. - The 5 most powerful words in any relationship are “I’m not ok with that” If someone does something you don’t like, tell them by saying: “When you (state their behaviour). I feel (state how you feel)” or, more simply “I’m not Ok with that”. There can be no arguments it makes it really clear and simple, and removes the emotional charge out of the discussion.
- Connect at a spiritual level. Remember even your family are spiritual beings, whom you have chosen to “play” with in this lifetime. All the dramas are only acted out as a kind of play for you to learn and grow from. Connect at a soul level, you see past their faults. Gaze right into your family’s soul and allow them to see yours.
- Ask for what you want and need. We all have needs. A need to feel loved, cherished, respected, listened to, or simply a need for a little help in the kitchen etc. Recognise what yours are and state them. “I have a need for…..”. Then state what you would like them to do to meet that need. Be specific about the behaviour.
- Send love. By sending unconditional love to your family it is even possible to see them change and soften before your eyes. Imagine an infinite source of love coming in through the top of your head and coming out of your heart to them. And yes – even send it to your mother-in-law
- Keep it low key and relaxed. Try not to make it “the best Christmas ever” or to expect it to be perfect. Instead make it nice, but keep it real and relaxed. Most importantly have fun. The best times happen when everyone is relaxed and not trying too hard, then serendipity can sneak in and magic really can happen.
By Dr. Lisa Turner founder of Psycademy – Leaders in Human Evolution. For free instant access to emotional resilience online course click here. http://www.psycademy.co.uk/emotional-resillience/
Tags: Emotional Clearing, relationships