Why is it that it’s hard to GET someone online? It seems we need to meet in person before you really know who someone is? During that face-face, handshake to handshake interaction, even if only brief we feel we have a much deeper understanding of who that person is.

What is it about face to face meetings that make it so much easier to discover who someone really is? Why is it so hard to work this out online, and why is it so easy offline?

Lost information

Well we can start with the idea that only 7% of the meaning of communication is conveyed through words. (note these figures are under review as the use of text increases and is changing the weighting slightly)

So by reading this blog alone, you could be losing as much as 93% of the meaning. The rest comes from body language and facial expression, (55%) and voice tonality (38%)

Body language (angle of spine, hand gestures) as well as large facial expressions like smiling convey a lot of information. but, what is less known is that there are also micro-muscle movements of the face that are detected at an unconscious level. Things like subtle shifts in colouring, minute narrowing or openings of the eyes, the lower lip can become wrinkled or shiny when people move from relaxed to tense as they disagree or agree with you. Recent research suggests that people dilate their pupils just before they make a decision. All this can tell you a lot about how a person is responding to you.

Next is voice tonality (38% of meaning) and again as well as the large intonation changes (going up at the end of a statement indicate a question), this also includes tiny vibrations of the voice. These little tremors are almost undetectable at the conscious level but will indicate how confident or congruent you are about the topic you’re speaking about. You may not be aware you are hearing it but you will pick it up at an unconscious level and get a “sense” of the other person.

Video should solve the problem

All this adds up to make it MUCH harder to work out WHO someone is online. But still doesn’t explain why video should but doesn’t solve all these problems. You can watch a video of someone and yet still get a completely different experience of them when you meet them face to face.

What is the missing magic ingredient?

Well it could be the synergy (or lack of) that takes place when two or more people interact. It’s the INTERACTION that happens when you move from an online broadcast to a two way interaction.

During most conversations, one person will speak and will watch and observe the reaction of the other. Assuming both people are pretty perceptive (and there are definitely some that are not) they will constantly adjust and adapt their communication to build rapport. You will check the other person is both understanding and appreciating what you are communicating. You will make little “tests” to see how far you can take a topic, or joke and when you observe any resistance, you’ll modify what or how you are communicating.

All this adds up to make others much more connected with each other offline compared to online.

How to inject the missing magic online.

1. Interact 1-1 don’t just broadcast. Blogs and posts are great, but get interactive with them so people see how you respond to their comments. I made a very close friend during a fierce online debate just on the basis of my responses to his comments. What could have created an enemy actually formed a deep friendship based on mutual respect. We still don’t agree about that particular topic, but deeply like each other all the same.
2. Use the medium you are most comfortable with. You might have expected me to say “use video” but if you are deeply uncomfortable with video then you are likely to NOT come across as yourself at all. If you are most comfortable writing, write. If you love to speak – speak. If you are comfortable with all three use all three and whichever is most convenient. You will be more confident and this will be picked up at an unconscious level.
3. Be yourself. The trick to this is to first know yourself, and those who have a high level of self awareness are usually much easier to connect with. When you know yourself and are comfortable with who you are you will filter yourself less, be less afraid of people flaming you online (yeah come on I know I’m going to get some narky comments on this post – go ahead. I’ll love you anyway)
4. Don’t filter too much. Do the occasional “brain blurt” and notice the reaction you get. Then respond with respect but openness.
5. Stop trying to please everyone, and stand your ground. Just observe people’s reactions and don’t let it stop you being who you are as it will just confuse those people who do know, like and follow you for who you are.
6. Use a platform that allows real time interaction like twitter or chat rooms. In real time you get a MUCH better experiences of the instant reaction, and can modify and adapt what and how you communicate instantly.
7. Project your “energy” so that it interacts with others. Ok this one is a bit esoteric, and not totally scientific (I should know I’m a scientist) but does seem to work. I know this point is the one that will get the narky comments from the left brainers out there. And I know you’re  wrong because I’ve read the evidence (it is there and its only your closed mind that stops you finding it, reading it and trying it out). To project your energy imagine an infinite stream of loving energy coming in through the top of your head and pouring out of your heart, projecting out to everyone who you interact with online. Try it and notice the difference. I dare you.
8. Use your intuition to pick up how others are responding and reacting to you. Yep another comment that’s going to get the left brainers out there to raise their hackles. But before you post think about this – most highly successful businessmen and scientists use intuition to make decisions. there is increasing research supporting its effectiveness and that explains how it works. So give it a try. As you are replying to a pm, writing or posting on a blog, use your intuition, or your gut reaction to guide what you say and how you say it.

So – go on comment away. I look forward to your feedback 

And now I would like to invite you to free instant access to our online intuition Discover your best intuition mode when you go here
From Lisa Turner and Psycademy – Leaders in Spiritual and Psychic Development How Intuitive are you?

By Dr. Lisa Turner