Relationship

1. It’s Meant To Be Easy

Relationships aren’t “meant” to be anything. There aren’t any rules about how a relationship should or should not be. When you go into a relationship with rules and expecting it to follow any you’re setting yourself and you’re partner up for failure.

Instead treat every, and all, relationships as an opportunity to learn something. Use them to explore and discover new ways of being with people. Curiosity and experimentation with an open heart are key.

2. I Just Need To Find The “Right” Person

The idea that there is a “right” person is a big myth. It just doesn’t make any sense that of all the billions of people on the planet that there is ONE and only one who you are supposed to spend your entire life with. Rather than trying to FIND the “right” person, aim to BECOME the right person and notice who shows up for you.

3. We’ll Live Happily Ever After

Once you meet someone who excites you, makes you curious and who you feel drawn to and you’ve decided to have a relationship with view it as the beginning of a great, if not THE greatest adventure. Happily ever after suggests the ending, but really it’s just the beginning.

To assume that one single person will be the perfect partner forever puts a lot of pressure on the relationship. Instead decide to be present in the moment, enjoy what is coming up for you both and what’s working for you both now. Let the future take care of itself. If you both change and grow apart and feel you want to separate, that doesn’t mean you have failed. Instead it might be that the relationship has run its course. Don’t try to hang on to the past, instead celebrate the journey you had together and recognise it’s time to travel separately now. Couples who do this often find their relationship moves into a completely different phase, one where they are no longer a couple, but still relating well together.

4. If It’s Hard – It’s Not The Right Person

Even if there was the “right” person there might still be times when you don’t get on perfectly. Because all relationships are opportunities to learn about yourself and each other and to learn new ways of behaving and interacting there are bound to be times when you drive each other nuts. It’s a big mistake to read too much into this. Often the most long lasting relationships are highly turbulent at times and they endure not in spite of this but because of it.

5. It’s Important To Get To Know The Other Person

Actually it’s much more important to get to know yourself. Relationships offer us a great opportunity do this. The way they behave and react will surprise you at times, and what might be surprising is not what they do, but the response that triggers in you.

Use relationships to explore your own reactions and responses. How do you react and behave? How are they different? How are they similar? What do you like about them? What do you dislike? These discoveries tell you much more about yourself and if you view a relationship like this it will not only likely be a much healthier relationship but it will be a journey to discovering yourself, and that’s much more interesting.

6. All You Need Is Love

Actually you can have truly awful relationships with people that you love. You can love someone and they may still be deeply toxic for you. Usually this kind of love is based on need and co-dependency.  Much more importantly than love, is self awareness and personal responsibility for your own emotional responses.

7. The Right Partner Will “Complete You”

Nothing sets a relationship up for disaster better than this myth. It’s based on the idea that a) you are somehow not OK or incomplete just as you are, and that b) you NEED someone else to be OK. Any relationship based on the idea that you need someone else to complete you will become dysfunctional and co-dependent. Instead start out with the idea that you are great on your own and a relationship is a bonus.