You would have had to have been living under a rock to have missed the Harry and Meghan interview … indeed a significant interview with Oprah on International Women’s Day. And EVERYONE seems to be talking about it. And now, are we gaslighting Meghan?
We have all had the opportunity to watch as Meghan and Harry talked openly about their lived experience. And now we are watching the ‘judgement bandwagon’. The judgement, in particular, being whether Meghan was, or is, telling the truth about feeling suicidal.
Interesting isn’t it?

How could any of us have ANY idea about whether or not she’s telling the truth? How can it be for any of us to claim to know what anyone else’s experience is?


Can we trust the media?

From my own point of view, and my own experience of being in the media somewhat, I know the media can mis-represent what’s being said. I would say this could be anything from 50 to 70% right and the remaining part skewed or a different take on it. What I’m saying is the facts may be right, but the framing is different. For example, when I was working in the car industry on a project to do with sensors on safety systems, the conversation went like this “so why isn’t the sensor included in the safety system?” And my response was “well it is totally possible, but the fact is the kind of sensor we are talking about, with this kind of detecting equipment and signal process costs a lot of money. If vehicle manufacturers put it on, the vehicle price will go up, and people won’t buy these vehicles – they will choose to buy a cheaper car.” This is clear and makes sense, right? However, in print, it was framed as “vehicle manufacturers always cutting costs, at the risk of peoples lives”. I mean, technically, the facts are in place, but it wasn’t how I framed it at all!

But let’s bring it back to Meghan and Harry. Something I do think that’s really positive is that the Royal household have agreed to ‘look into it’. I’m picking this up as important, given my take and expertise on ‘abusive’ relationships. One of the classic things an abuser in an abusive relationship does is invalidate the other parties’ feelings and emotions. It’ll come across as “that didn’t happen”. Or, “it didn’t happen like that” …. denying the others’ experience.

Then comes the gaslighting

So, if someone says “I’m upset that you did that ….”, and the other responds with a response around it being wrong by feeling upset – we have gaslighting.

And in the context of the interview, Meghan goes on the record saying she felt suicidal, and receives the response from others that she wasn’t = gaslighting.

Who chooses to say they are suicidal when they’re not? And even if they did, doesn’t that tell us that there is an emotional need there, that’s not being met? And maybe, this might not be the best, most straightforward or most resourceful way to get the unmet need met, but it does highlight an experience of trauma, and an ask or request for support and help.

Surely, nobody who is fine and happy and emotionally well resourced says they are suicidal. If a person is telling us they have been feeling suicidal, or are suicidal, they have an unmet emotional need, they are in trauma, they are asking for support and help.

Changing our mindset

To recap on this – an abuser will invalidate another’s emotions. And that’s what I’m observing here. As a result of my own recovery from trauma, it’s part of my mission to change the mindset of how healing happens and to train others in releasing trauma, so we can live in a world where people all regularly release their pain from the past, so that people no longer live from pain. They live from joy.

I would love to know your take on this, so please leave a comment. Keep your eye on our Facebook pages. We regularly run free live trainings on Total Trauma Recovery and will post the details on social media.

Love, Lisa

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