[This article was first published on the Female First website on 3 February 2014 by Lucy Walton]
There’s a theory that somewhere out there is the perfect partner for you. You’ll meet. There will be music and doves. You’ll fall in love and live happily ever after. If you’ve bought into this myth yet failed to find “the one” then don’t beat yourself up. It’s an idea that’s as old as fairy tales, and just as unrealistic. Relationship expert Lisa Turner explains!
So rather than looking for the one, it’s more empowering to create a relationship that works and here are the signs of a healthy relationship.
- He empowers you and uplifts you. Being with him makes you feel great and you know you are stronger as a team than you are when you’re alone.
- You feel great when you’re on your own and even better where you’re together. This is called synergy.
- He encourages you to do what you want and what is truly good for you, rather than sulking or grumbling because it might mean you would be spending time apart from him.
- He’s honest with you, even if it means telling you what you don’t want to hear, but is good for you. False flattery doesn’t do you any favours, so he’ll be honest about where you are, and still help you to get to where you want to be.
- He makes you feel good about yourself. So do watch out for anyone who belittles you, undermines you or makes you dislike yourself.
- You are both happy to be with each other, and also happy to spend time apart. You each know that spending time doing what you love energises and revitalises you so that when you are together again the sparks fly.
Soul Mate Myths
This is the basis for a dysfunctional co-dependent relationship that’s based on need.2. When You Meet Your Soul Mate You’ll Fall Deeply In Love And Live Happily Ever After
Not necessarily, your soul mate is the person who will help you to grow the most. So a relationship with your soul mate might be anything but smooth sailing.
3. Soul mates will have exactly the same interests
Rather than interests it’s values that make a great relationship. But they don’t need to have the same values they simply need to respect each other’s values. Specifically each person needs will be aware of what’s important to the other person and respect that. Finding each other’s values and how to satisfy them is what makes relationships so exciting, and can bring challenges too.
4. Soul Mates never argue
Actually they will likely argue a lot. being with your soul mate means you feel comfortable and safe enough to have disagreements. Feeling that you shouldn’t ever argue puts huge pressures on the relationship because should a disagreement arise (and they will) they then assume that it means they aren’t with the right person. So even a minor disagreement means that one or both start thinking “he’s not the one” and to imagine they need to separate and find the real “one”. Soul mates will disagree and it’s the emotional maturity they bring to it that makes them such great soul mates.